


What I Do Not Desire

by Nocticola



Series: Femslash [15]
Category: The Memoirs of Lady Trent - Marie Brennan
Genre: Book 2: The Tropic of Serpents, Canon Aromantic Character, Canon Asexual Character, F/F, Gen, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-09-18 08:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16991595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Natalie's explorations and realizations





	What I Do Not Desire

**Author's Note:**

> The Tropic of Serpents:
> 
> Isabella Camherst: “I am sure you can go further, and find yourself a husband who will support you in your work.”
> 
> Natalie Oscott: “Perhaps.” She did not sound convinced. “It is an untenable situation and I know it. One way or another, I must be dependent on someone. If not a husband, then one of my brothers, or–. I cannot ask that of them. but how much less can I ask it of some stranger?”
> 
> Isabella: Do you not want a husband? presuming you could find a good one.”
> 
> She stood very still; I think she was considering my words. Then she turned to face me, and answered in the tone of one who has never realized her true reply until this moment.
> 
> Natalie: No. I don’t.
> 
> Isabella: Not for security. But for companionship, or love or—”
> 
> Natalie: [blushing] Not for any of those. I welcome the friendship of men, of course. But childbirth is dangerous, and motherhood would demand too much of my time; and I have no interest in the, ah, activity for its own sake. What is left?”
> 
> Very little, really. Except, perhaps, for an end to her family’s nagging — and that could be gotten in more than one way.
> 
> ***
> 
> Natalie: While I do not think this is the life for me – I miss my bed too much– it has given me the courage, and I think the freedom, to pursue the life I do want. 
> 
> Isabella: What is it?
> 
> Natalie: [blushing] “I— do you remember what i said to you before we left Scirland? About the things I was not interested in?”
> 
> Her reddened cheeks directed my memory. She did not want the touch of a man.
> 
> Isabella: “Yes, I remember.”
> 
> Natalie: While we were in Atuyem, I found out that sometimes co-wives will… provide one another with affection. I have wondered, from time to time, whether that is what I want. But I— well. Suffice to say that i have tested my theory, and proved it false. I enjoy the company of women a great deal, but I honestly do not think I want anything, ah, more.”
> 
> Isabella: I understand, Natalie. And you are welcome to stay with me as long as you please.

Even though Natalie is well aware she is almost 20, and as such she should get married and start having babies with a man her father chose for her (since she hasn't found any suitable options herself), she knows she doesn't want to be set up with some strange man she doesn't know. But it's not until she discusses her situation over with Isabelle that she realizes the truth:

She doesn't _want_ a husband of any kind. She can't see herself ever finding a man she could be with, with the requered and expected emotional and physical intimacy, can't see herself spending her life with one. She doesn't want any man. 

She is well aware of everything that comes with marriage, and she finds herself put off by the very thought of children and companionship and *sex*. She has been fine without all of these for her whole life, and doesn't see it changing. 

So, Natalie runs off with Isabella to Eriga and hopes her father might forgive her some day. But she will never fulfill his expectations in this matter. 

She will live her life the way she wants to, and that doesn't include a husband.

*** 

While Natalie is separated from Isabella on account of the local menstruation related ritual, were women are isolated in an _abgan_ for the duration, and their work is temporarily on hold, Natalie has time for further considerations of her situation. 

She doesn't want men as anything but friends. She also enjoys the company of women, but she is not quite sure if it is the same way she enjoys men or whether she might enjoy women as romantic companionship. Until she was able to properly classify her feelings about men, she hadn't really even considered how she might feel about women, except for an idle thought here and there.

Living among the women of the palace, she sees things she hadn't even considered before. Sometimes the co-wives share... marital affection with each other.

Natalie know this was something people might do if they were so inclined, and she understands the situation of the co-wives. She wonders whether this is the answer that had eluded her before. Perhaps she didn't want a husband because she wanted a wife (well, close enough).

While there are some language barriers between her and the other women, Natalie does get to know some of them while she spends her idle days.

One of them shows interest in her, a beautiful woman with dark skin typical to her people, named Akwete, and while Natalie is not quite sure what she feels, she decides to share a kiss with the woman. She explains her situation as best she can, and Akwete accepts the situation. 

The kiss they share is quite lovely, but Natalie doesn't think it makes her feel the way it should. It doesn't change anything for her. 

Natalie is apologetic when she explains the situation to Akwete, who is understanding. Considering their different worlds, and the nature of Natalie's work, nothing would have come of them anyway. But they could have shared something together before their time was over. 

But that's not who Natalie is. She enjoys the friendly company of men and women but nothing else. She's not quite sure whether Isabella's life is for her either, but she'll find something. She'll become a sprinster, and she will wear that title with pride.

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.momjunction.com/baby-names/Akwete/
> 
> I chose this Ghanaian name for the OC because I liked it, and Ghana was one of the inspirations for the Bayambe cultures.


End file.
